dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
