is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
