if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
