i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you would pick up someone in the library
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
