I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
