mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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