Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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