Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize