why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
