Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
