In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
