if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
