I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize