one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
