Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
