you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize