We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
zippers are such a cool invention
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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