paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
