wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
