Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
