I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
