Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
