It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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