some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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