you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Success! We fucked roommates!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
