I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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