I will die if light touches me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize