he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
