Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
