i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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