I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
