u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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