it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize