you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
