I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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