Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
