I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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