You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
false alarm. still invincible.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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