I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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