New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
tell me about the eggs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize