my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
