I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
