I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
