Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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