Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
