So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
