Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
