i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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