i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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