Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
