All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
