he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
