And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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