The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
