We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize