One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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