put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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