no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
