I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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