i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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