i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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