the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
