i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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