I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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