Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
