I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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