my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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