i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
