how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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