Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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