he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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