Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
