I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
