the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
