its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
