omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
