I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
