as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
