i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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