you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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