I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
