I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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