So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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