allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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