I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
