He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
