It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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