Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
