i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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