I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
