y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
