Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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