After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
