Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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