i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
