question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's blow job season.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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