I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
