nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We are two peas in an std pod
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
