Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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