Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
