How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
