I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
