if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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