I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
