Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
