Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
